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Amazing Stupid People Stories

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An experience I had at work today made me begin to remember the multitudes of situations I’ve been in involving stupid people. My father owned a business and told me repeatedly when I was a kid that the best way to learn how stupid people are is to work in retail. It’s just amazing to me how truthful that is.

Today when I get to work I get a reply to an email I sent in 2007 from a woman that I sent an email to yesterday with a proof of the shirt “design” (you can’t call it that) she wanted. That is odd in of itself, especially when it’s July 2008. It’s a nasty email from that woman bitching at me that I keep sending her the same old artwork over and over and that I don’t know what I’m doing. I know that she’s probably using Outlook or Outlook Express and checking email in those programs isn’t exactly a small task, but– really– how hard is it to tell one email from another? As Bill Engvall would eloquently say in reply to a situation like that, “Here’s your sign.”

This next one will take a bit of explaining. Retards here in the South have elaborate ways to waste gasoline. There’s an entire culture of retarded people who race with trucks with customized independent suspensions and super sized motors in mud holes. Well, truthfully, to call them retards would be doing retarded people a disservice. We have the unfortunate situation of having to do t-shirts for them. This man comes in today with a large picture of half of his truck with him in it giving a thumbs up to the camera.

“Take me out of the photo and draw the rest of the truck there.”

How in the hell was I supposed to know what the rest of his truck looked like? He left– pissed off– because he had to go take a picture of the entirety of his truck without his being in it. This same afternoon he comes back with a new photo, except the front and rear bumpers are cut off. He responds, “You can at least draw the bumpers on there, right?”

About three weeks ago a woman walks in and tells me what stupid shit she wants on her shirts. I take the order, she walks off to go give the shirt count and sizes. She comes back and asks if I’d finished her artwork yet. She throws her a big fit because I hadn’t even started on it yet. Believe it or not situations like this are the most common types of stupidity that occur here. I’ve even had a woman call and curse me out over the phone because I didn’t finish her artwork an hour or so after they gave the order. After she started repeating herself I stopped her mid-sentence and told her that if she was a man she’d have gotten a five knuckle introduction. Her husband calls afterwards to irritate me, so I invite him over to get a hospital room number; he never showed up.

I hear doing freelance web design for clients isn’t much better.

Too Much Coffee

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There are times in which I go for long periods of time without illustrating a single thing worthwhile. I’m a graphic artist, and I feel perfectly at home designing webpages and whatnot. I tend to use illustration to calm myself down. I don’t really need to churn numbers, CSS properties, and HTML elements in my head while illustrating. I can sit down at the computer and paint or draw away using my Wacom tablet. Before I know it it’s 6 hours later, and I’ve listened to the same Rush song about three times because the playlist has repeated itself. This weekend I thought it was time to tell everyone to go to hell and lock myself away in my room.

This is an illustration of Espen Øverdahl as Too Much Coffee Man. Why would I do something like that? Probably because I was bored shitless. The idea came to me originally from a post on My Opera where Espen was shown offering free coffee. He’s made himself a reputation of being a heavy coffee drinker, so he’s like a real-life Too Much Coffee Man. I wanted something to illustrate, and well this idea seemed better than the previous ideas I had. I did this illustration in American movie poster dimensions, exactly 27×40 inches. Viewing the largest image size on Flickr by clicking the image above would yield an image only 25% of the original image’s size. I like to work big. The image is painted as an oil painting typically would be without the mess and cost in Corel Painter X.

When viewing photos of Espen on his own My Opera log this might not appear to look a lot like him, and it doesn’t. I doubt Espen is able to make his eyes bulge like that, but he’s had about his 1000th cup of coffee, so they should be falling out of his head by now. I just wonder what his response will be if he catches a glimpse of this.

Kestrel Takes Flight

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Last Thursday Opera released the newest version of their desktop browser, Opera 9.5. A lot of people wrote a lot of posts detailing the release. I’ve decided to get off my lazy ass and write my own account of Opera’s new browser today.

I’ve been using Opera 9.5 since the first somewhat stable alpha release whatever that was, so I’ve gotten a long peek at the features and could see the improvements made over time. It’s an amazing improvement over the previous release, especially for Mac users. Opera when it was first released for Mac OS X was to put it bluntly a pile of shit. It was excruciatingly slow and crashed more than a drunk crop duster pilot. Opera’s now as quick as its codename, a kestrel.

When Speed Dial was announced I knew I found my favorite new feature of 9.2. Today I can’t see browsing without it. I never was a fan of bookmarks bars or keeping bookmarks for that matter. Now I place my nine favorite websites into Speed Dial and quickly get to where I want to go. It is in my opinion the best feature Opera has ever created except for tabbed browsing. It is the one thing that I’ve used again and again to convert people over to Opera. It’s an advantage Opera shows immediately when it is opened for the first time. I don’t have to be like a used car salesman telling them everything off the top of my head I can think about. It’s amazing to see someone realizing there’s a better way to browse the internet whether it’s someone wanting security after using Internet Explorer or wanting a speedy browsing experience after using Firefox.

Opera 9.5 doesn’t have a feature as amazing as Speed Dial or does it? I think it does, and it’s called Opera Link. It’s not a feature that hits you in the face when you first open Opera for the first time. It’s a feature you have to look for. Opera Link allows for synchronization of Opera bookmarks, notes, speed dial locations, and personal bar setup across devices using a My Opera account. If I make a change to my Speed Dial locations or add a bookmark at work I know when I get home my installation of Opera at home has the bookmarks I added earlier that day at work. Like I said it’s not a feature that hits you like brick wall, but it’s a feature once you start using it you become reliant upon it.

I would have to admit when I first read about 9.5’s pending release I was afraid. Opera had just made drastic changes to its appearance both by default on Windows and Linux with the new standard skin and with the Macintosh default, the Macintosh native skin. It is in my opinion in a mess, but still better than before. I wasn’t wary of its release for my sake, but for theirs. I had past experiences to fill myself up with doubt about.

When Kestrel was announced and before any builds were even made public the Mac team made promises of an improved and more native looking interface. They were immediately hit with probably the most negative feedback they’ve ever received from what I’d refer to as rabid dogs of users with no consideration to the developers. Before any release and before anyone even saw the interface they were attacking the developers for past releases, releases they openly admitted had severe flaws in its interface. In the middle of this heated discussion I attacked the users for stating opinions without any factual evidence. The attacks then focused not on the developers, but on myself where I told them in nicer terms to essentially kiss my ass, and that’d be the last post I’d make in the forums. That post is still to this day the last post I have made in the Mac forums on My Opera. I plan on still making it my last. I’ll still fight to make Opera even better on the Mac, but it doesn’t mean I have to like many of the assholes in the Mac Opera community. I will not post a link to the thread now, although if I’m not mistaken I’ve already linked to it in a prior article here.

When Opera released Kestrel alpha I was disappointed to say the least. From what I could see of the interface before the build would crash was heart-breaking. It was awful. I asked around to see if the interface was a work-in-progress. The thread came back to haunt me when I started asking this question. Apparently my final post there was taken that I was going to quit using Opera because my criticism was quite harsh in my post prior to that. The thread didn’t go well with the developers and rightly so. After I explained my actions I got my answer. It was a work-in-progress, and that they want feedback. The interface today — while not right either — is infinitely better than what I caught a glimpse of in the first alpha.

I was afraid that Opera would be slapped with negative press for the Mac build because of its appearance due to the events surrounding Kestrel’s initial announcement several months ago; thankfully that’s not been the case. I was personally delighted to read Jon Hicks’s approval of Opera 9.5 when I was expecting a scathing review as he’s given in the past:

It may only be a point release, but a lot of work has gone into refreshing the UI. The Mac interface is much better (still not quite there), but to my mind, the new native Opera look is more mac like anyway. Oh, and it’s fast!

Opera has for long been the whipping boy despite my cries for mercy. Opera has an excellent and dedicated Macintosh development team, and they’ve made great improvements to its appearance. They are completely open to suggestions from anyone as to what to do, more open than 99% of all developers out there. They do not reject criticism. A few dedicated and loyal Opera users have been trying to steer them in the right direction. I believe they’re going the right way, but there’s still a long way to go.

By all means if there’s anyone reading this that hasn’t tried out Opera 9.5 please try it now. Here’s to more improvements in the future and an equally or better reception for Peregrine. Cheers.